My Name Is Al Bundy
A Poem by Jim Nasium

My name is Al Bundy
and I want to die
don't ask me to tell you my story
you really don't want to know why
there's nothing I can to do change it
my life is a freaking disaster
I do my best to stay on top
but keep sinking faster

I hate my life I hate my wife
hate my children too
they keep me from doing
all the things I like to do
like go down to the nudie bar
drink beer and sit and gaze
I used to be a football hero once
in my younger days

I take coins from the fountain
that's here inside the mall
I got naked girly pictures
hung up on the bathroom wall
in the shoe shop I work at
for tips and minimal wage
people that know me pretty good
tell me I don't act my age

I get this stuff inside my ear
here let me show you
and if I had a million dollars
do you know what I'd do
I get away from my wife and kids
find me an island paradise
some young ladies with real big big-in's
then everything would be nice

Nothing ever goes right for me
no matter how hard I tried
life has taken a lot from me
but I still got my Bundy Pride
and I got my bowling
I'm pretty good at that
while I'm at work every day
Peggy's eating Bon Bons getting fat

I love my good old Dodge
the only car I ever had
when the wife wants to use it
it always makes me sad
the brakes are bad the horn don't work
but it's gets me to my job
I don't like to shower very much
some say I am a slob

I don't like my wife much
sex with her is a nightmare
she makes me do it on her birthday
to me it's just not fair
all I want to do at night
is watch Physco Dad on TV
but she want sex and it's a hex
they way she torments me

My daughter is an Air Head
she can hardly remember her name
but when it comes to using men
she's the best in the game
my son worries me deeply
I wonder what he will be
he sleeps with a plastic blow up doll
and still calls me daddy

Yes I am Al Bundy
you may have heard about me
I used to be a football hero
way back in 1963
no one could play the game better
I wish you could have seen me
but now I don't get no respect
it's a shame and a pity

Today I am a broken man
tired, beat up and poor
I work all the time
down the mall in the shoe store
I need the over time hours
that's why I work on Sunday
if you see me walking by
don't laugh and say "there goes Al Bundy"...

©2005 Jim Nasium

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