Making An Appointment On The Phone 1 & 2
A Poem by Jim Nasium

Your doctor orders some new tests
some blood work and Cat Scan
you've been through this many times
it's getting hard to understand
he gives you your prescription
tells you to make the call
to set up an appointment
he wants no more to do with it at all

You call to make an appointment
get an answering machine
the voice tells you to push one
if you're weak or turning green
push two to see a doctor
three if you want a nurse
by the time the message is over
you're starting to feel worse

Push four only if you're insured
five if you can wait till next week
six if you need a referral
seven if your tired and weak
push eight to leave a message
nine to hear this message again
you're ready to scream or hang up
when's the bullshit going to end

You push the right number
but you're put on hold
time passes by slowly
you feel yourself getting old
wanting to hang up the phone
but knowing if you do
you'll have to call back later
to get someone to talk to you

Finally muzak comes on
an indication you'll have to wait
but your time is running out
now you're going to be late
you need to be other places
can't sit there holding the phone
then a voice comes on
says "sorry but I'm here alone"

"What can I do for you
tell me what you need
have you given blood
we'd love to make you bleed
do you have insurance
what's your insurance company
can you hold on for a moment
someone's calling me"

You're put back on hold
another twenty minutes pass
you're getting tired of holding the phone
the chair you're sitting on hurts your ass
then a woman answers
says "can I help you
do you need to make an appointment
is there anything I can do"

You give her your information
gender, name, address and age
she wants all the details
you hear her turning the page
"and what's your Pre Cert number
you'll need one for this test
and don't forget to fast
for the results to be the best"

You tell this is urgent
ya need the test right away
she says "ok I'll see what I can do
let me call you back later today"
two hours have passed by already
you've got nothing done
trying to make an appointment
now'a days is never fun...

and then there is this one about the next day...

On the phone again this morning
I still don't have an appointment
for tests my doctor ordered recently
the attitude I am greeted with
seems ignorant and rude you see
no one seems to want to help me
to get things moving along
when I ask them to they make me blue
by giving me a dance and a song

I was on the phone again this morning
for about an hour and a half
some'a the stuff folks said to me
really made me laugh
do they all think I'm stupid
like I've never done this before
I finally hung up on one of them
just couldn't take any more

So here I sit again helpless
to do what my doctor wants me to
I called him to explain what happened
he said he'd see what he can do
but me I know better
I have been down this road before
and I am sick of it all
I can take any more....

©2005 Jim Nasium

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