A Few Limericks 5
By Jim Nasium

A Limerick: A light or humorous verse form of five chiefly anapestic verses of which lines one, two and five are of three feet and lines three and four are of two feet, with a rhyme scheme of aabba. The limerick, named for a town in Ireland of that name, was popularized by Edward Lear in his Book of Nonsense published in 1846.

A CHILL
A chill is what I get from her
so cold all I can say is BBRRRR
why's she act that way
every freaking day
everything I see is a blur

and..

A CHILL
A chill has fallen over here
it's cold, crisp, fresh and very clear
winters on it's way
insides where I'll stay
calling my blanket and tea dear

and...

A CHILL
A chill is in the air again
when is the cold going to end
ice rain and snow
no place to go
time to stay inside with a friend

************

RELAX 1
Relax then relax some more
turn off the phone and lock the door
take it real easy
don't be too sleazy
who can know what is in store

and...

RELAX 2
Relax is what they all tell me
although things aren't as they should be
it's way too late
to change my fate
it's really not that hard to see

and this one...

RELAX 3
Relax every chance you can get
and please don't you ever forget
to forget your sorrow
there's always tomorrow
plans aren't like concrete; firm and set

and then there's this one..

RELAX 4
Relax and take a load off your feet
you can sit here in my special seat
then walk in my shoes
and let me hear yous
say life for Jim Nasium is sweet
and one last one...

RELAX 5
Relax and then relax some more
turn off the phone and lock up the door
it will be OK
she is on her way
thank goodness for a good cheap whore

************

THE MUSIC 1
The music danced around in my head
I guess I should have just stayed in bed
it lasted all night
up until first light
I couldn't hear any thing they said...

and...

THE MUSIC 2
The music from the seventies
as free as the birds and the bees
was psychedelic
I am a relic
and I can not find my car keys

and...

THE MUSIC 3
The music of nature I hear
makes me know animals are near
while out in the wood
I do wish I could
show you there is nothing to fear


************

THE MUSIC 1
The music danced around in my head
I guess I should have just stayed in bed
it lasted all night
up until first light
I couldn't hear any thing they said...

and...

THE MUSIC 2
The music from the seventies
as free as the birds and the bees
was psychedelic
I am a relic
and I can not find my car keys

and...

THE MUSIC 3
The music of nature I hear
makes me know animals are near
while out in the wood
I do wish I could
show you there is nothing to fear

************

THE WOUNDS 1
The wounds have been licked and licked
never the less I've been tricked
where's my share
it's not fair
why am I the one fate picked

and...

THE WOUNDS 2
The wounds of the planet are real
can you imagine how they feel
it's very sad
and getting bad
are you sure you know the real deal

and this one....

THE WOUNDS 3
The wounds left a nasty old scar
late last night while driving my car
she said to me
it's plain to see
we're not going to get to far

and one more...

THE WOUNDS 4
The wounds may heal with time
till then they'll ooze some slime
don't make a fuss
it's only puss
oozing is not a crime

************

DIVINE 1
Divine intervention is now needed
my desires are so very seeded
stuck in the same old rut
I feel just like a slut
and my rose garden needs to be weeded

and...

DIVINE 2
Divine was the way she made me feel
all the love she had was really real
by the light of the moon
we cuddle like a spoon
after we finished a good hot meal

and...

DIVINE 2
Divine is the love He offers
don't listen to all the scoffers
He is very real
this is how I feel
during a sermon; no coughers

************

SOME CONCEPTS 1
Some concepts of life's true meaning
to me need a real good cleaning
they got it wrong
it won't be long
everything we know will be leaning
[to one side or the other]

and...

SOME CONCEPTS 2
Some concepts of Art and Poetry
don't mean very much at all to me
if it comes from your heart
it just has to be art
that much should be very plain to see
[art is everywhere; look for it]

and

SOME CONCEPTS 3
Some concepts folks have of a God
make me tired and want to nod
I just get board
and in accord
I feel they should be beat with a rod
[spare the rod spoil the child]

and...

SOME CONCEPTS 4
Some concepts conceived late at night
never do seem to work out right
with a foggy head
laying in bed
there's no reason to get uptight
[just relax]

************

CONDEMNED 1
Condemned here I sit all alone
I've turned off my desk telephone
locked up the door
don't want no more
all my wild seeds have been sown

and...

CONDEMNED 2
Condemned to use only your pen name
responsibility comes with fame
in the lime light
you feel so right
trying hard to play the same old game

and...

CONDEMNED 3
Condemned to remember my past
wondering why memories last
they dance in my head
while I lay in bed
and I never fall asleep fast

and...

CONDEMNED 4
Condemned to be a broken man
I just can't seem to understand
what happened to me
not the man you see
what have the powers that be planned

and...

CONDEMNED 5
Condemned to be all I can be
God has a plan that's just for me
it may take time
but that's no crime
just as long as my soul is free

************

The Laundry
The laundry needs to be done a certain way
or at least that's what I hear my mother say
don't mix color and white
if you want them real bright
I'll wait to do my laundry some other day
[when she's not around]

and

THE LAUNDRY
The laundry sits there in a big pile
it begins to smell after awhile
it needs to be done
but laundry's no fun
I hope this Limerick brings you a smile
[or at least a smirk]

and

The Laundry
The laundry soon gets out of hand
no matter how life may seem planned
but it just don't seem right
to do laundry at night
and I still do not understand

and...

The Laundry
The laundry possesses its ways
of breeding a brightness that stays
while water gets murkey
the clothes get all perky
oh how I do hate laundry days

************

TO UNDERSTAND 1
To understand is not easy
well at least it is not for me
every new day
in some new way
things are not the way they should be
[just how should they be anyhow?]

and...

TO UNDERSTAND 2
To understand you got to open your mind
you have no idea of the wonders you'll find
the world is a stage
and you're all the rage
when you decided to keep your nose to the grind
[what'a bloddy mess]

and..

TO UNDERSTAND 3
To understand this thing called life
has been causing me too much strife
when will it all end
every now and then
I almost wish I had a wife
[but only almost]

************

BANANAS 1
Bananas was a Woody Allen movie
and Woody is so very funny to me
he's not very tall
and I bet he saw
everything they way he'd like it to be

and...

BANANAS 2
Bananas are good off the tree
and they are very good for me
they come big or small
and I've seen them all
the best are the ones you get free

and...

BANANAS 3
Bananas are natures perfect food
I don't mean to be pushy or rude
but they are the best
and I will confess
that I eat a few every day dude

************

ROUTINES 1
Routines have become routine
I'm sure you know what I mean
spending every day
in the same old way
is enough to make me scream

and

ROUTINES 2
Routines have become part of life
yet they cause us all too much strife
they get on our nerves
with sharp bends and curves
and can cut sometimes like a knife

and

ROUTINES 3
Routines help to pass away hours
things like sleeping, eating and showers
they're no longer fun
but when they are done
we may have time to smell the flowers

and

ROUTINES 4
Routines can get very old and stale
until one ends up in county jail
but that's no fun
when your time's done
you got to pay some money for bail

and

ROUTINES 5
Routines keep us all stuck in a rut
we go to work just to pay our nut
day after day
for little pay
no matter pedigree or a mutt

************

MY COUGHING 1
My coughing is not getting better
my doctor just sent me a letter
he said don't worry
there is no hurry
keep your spirit light as a feather

and..

MY COUGHING 2
My coughing is slowly getting worse
this must be some kind of a weird curse
each and every day
I just hack away
my medicine has emptied my purse

and..

MY COUGHING 3
My coughing can hurt me real bad
and when it hurts I feel I'm had
I want to feel better
got a dear John letter
now I'm a had sad coughing lad

and...

MY COUGHING 4
My coughing is out of control
it hurts all the way to my soul
I've been told by them
to spit out the flem
and to collect it in a bowl

************

RETRACTING 1
Retracting what I said yesterday
I think I'll just go on my own way
I heard your advice
you did say it twice
but it's more than black and white; it's gray

and...

RETRACTING 2
Retracting a retractable thing
both my muse and my heart like to sing
about better days
a self educed haze
made my head spin and my both ears ring

and...

RETRACTING 3
Retracting all this barium I drank
really gave me gas that made the room stank
my belly was full
tired of this bull
who in the world I wonder should I thank

and

RETRACTING 4
Retracting contracted contractors
wish I could be their benefactors
but money is tight
some day I just might
have things done over with retractors...

************

I Told Her 1
I told her not to come over here
she came anyway she didn't care
about what I said
while in was in bed
she thinks I'm mean and very unfair

and

I Told Her 2
I told her it's not a good time for me
alone is how I really want to be
she took it the wrong way
so now what can I say
I guess she's angry and just can not see

and

I Told Her 3
I told her I'd see her again
but don't borrow and never lend
couldn't say when
but then again
after all she is a good friend

and

I Told Her 4
I told her I do understand
but life for me just ain't so grand
she started to cry
as I said goodbye
never did get to tell her why

************

A DIMWIT 1
A dimwit spoke to me yesterday
he said "I think I have lost my way"
but what could I do
when I was lost too
I told him I had nothing to say

and...

A DIMWIT 2
A dimwit that hangs around our town
always acts just like a circus clown
with out a red nose
do you all suppose
his smile is an up side down frown

and...

A DIMWIT 3
A dimwit I know all too well
is dirty and man does he smell
he needs a bath
and to learn math
to add and subtract can be swell

and...

A DIMWIT 4
A dimwit sat up on a wall
I told him "you're going to fall"
he laughed at me
very carefree
when he hit he started to bawl

************

TODAY 1
Today is just another day
and it wants to go it's own way
forget any plan
try to understand
there's a reason the sky is gray

and...

TODAY 2
Today will be yesterday soon
with the setting of the spent moon
then what will you do
with time given you
act wise or crazy as a loon

and...

TODAY 3
Today was yesterdays tomorrow
a day spent alone with some sorrow
the lesson now learned
how not to get burned
never lend and or never borrow

************

RETRACTING 1
Retracting what I said yesterday
I think I'll just go on my own way
I heard your advice
you did say it twice
but it's more than black and white; it's gray

and...

RETRACTING 2
Retracting a retractable thing
both my muse and my heart like to sing
about better days
a self educed haze
made my head spin and my both ears ring
and...

RETRACTING 3
Retracting all this barium I drank
really gave me gas that made the room stank
my belly was full
tired of this bull
who in the world I wonder should I thank

and

RETRACTING 4
Retracting contracted contractors
wish I could be their benefactors
but money is tight
some day I just might
have things done over with retractors

************

I Told Her 1
I told her not to come over here
she came anyway she didn't care
about what I said
while in was in bed
she thinks I'm mean and very unfair
and

I Told Her 2
I told her it's not a good time for me
alone is how I really want to be
she took it the wrong way
so now what can I say
I guess she's angry and just can not see

and

I Told Her 3
I told her I'd see her again
but don't borrow and never lend
couldn't say when
but then again
after all she is a good friend
and

I Told Her 4
I told her I do understand
but life for me just ain't so grand
she started to cry
as I said goodbye
never did get to tell her why

************

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks 1

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks 2

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks 3

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks 4

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks 5

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks 6

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks 7

Click Here To Go To: A Few Limericks 8

What is a Limerick?

A Limerick is A light or humorous verse form of five chiefly anapestic verses of which lines one, two and five are of three feet and lines three and four are of two feet, with a rhyme scheme of aabba. The limerick, named for a town in Ireland of that name, was popularized by Edward Lear in his Book of Nonsense published in 1846.

************

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